Damn. It’s hard to just focus on the fact that Venus Williams just won a gold medal with sister Serena when I’m so distracted by the way she looks right here. I’m all for comfortable and casual but she couldn’t slap on a scarf or wig or something? And I know you’re proud to rep the USA but even one of those velvet Juicy tracksuits would have looked better than this. And a couple of blotting sheets and powder would have done wonders for that sweaty, greasy face V. Damn if she don’t look just like her father Richard: face, hair, clothes and all.

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I only know Jimmy Jean Louis from….actually I’m really not sure. I don’t remember what movie he’s been in but I will remember this extra medium jacket and collard shirt he’s wearing. Why does dude look like he just got off his shift as a waiter and randomly popped onto someone’s red carpet? Whatever job he’s been working, I’m sure it pays enough for him to buy a bigger sized shirt. Looks like his arms are about to break free.

Little Cassandra usually looks so put together that we almost forget that she can’t actually sing. But this outfit brings it all back. What is it with chicks these days rockin tops as dresses? I think I see some signs of denim (shorts or skirt maybe) but if it’s so short that you can’t tell, then it just doesn’t count. And with the gold charm chain and studded riding boots, I’m confused as to what look she’s going for. Try again Cassie.

Boom Boom Kat is back on Making the Band after her staged fight with Diddy so now she’s back on everybody’s red carpet thinking she’s all fierce and stuff. When I saw this pic I just let out a long sigh. First because Laurie Ann Gibson thinks people are still checkin for her (if they ever were). And second, because she looks a hot ass mess. I don’t care how toned your legs are, that’s no excuse for wearing a turtlenecked basketball jersey as a dress, with hideous granny booties at that. And why is every black chick jumping on the Rihanna haircut bandwagon? What’s good for the goose is not good for the gander (whatever that means).

Now I’ve got the answer to my last question (see previous post). D. Woods was the hottest mess of all which may be why she wasn’t posing with the rest of her group. They probably told her acid reflux yellow Nike’d ass to get out of the photographer’s way, lest she throw off the already unbalanced color scheme. I know this chick got her own style and all but she’s killing me with the party dresses with ugly kicks trend. I know Diddy don’t pay that much but at least borrow some looks from the Bad Boy closet, I’m sure he won’t mind.

I have never in my life seen a group of chicks in the same band that look like they just met for the first time. Even Destiny’s Child with all their group changes managed to look unified. God bless Miss Tina and her bedazzled, sequined performance outfits. But I digress. The Danity Kane chicks don’t necessarily look bad, just random. Couldn’t they have better coordinated color schemes and palettes? Like let’s wear shades of red or something? And where’s D. Woods? Smart enough not to appear in this Crayola-colored picture I guess.

I know Wendy Williams always talks about her brother and sister on the radio but I didn’t know they were one and the same….Oh wait, this is Traci Bingham? The love child of Wendy and RuPaul was spotted on some red carpet (who keeps inviting her?) looking a hot tranny muppet mess. The bird’s nest weave, the super siliconed fake boobs, the fabric swatch she calls a dress and the stretchy metallic and aqua-colored furry Cookie Monster boots are just too much. From Baywatch to the Surreal Life to Cookie Monster’s stunt double - what will she do next? And I can’t believe this chick used to video ho (yeah it’s a verb) for Jay-Z and Jermaine Dupri. When video chicks like Melyssa Ford dress classier than you, it’s just a damn shame.

Oh Paula. You are such a mess mentally and physically. The Elvira chandelier neckline played out with, well, Elvira. And the Chiquita Banana dress is meant only for a cartoon woman with a basket of fruit on her head. But since you technically are a basketcase I guess that’s close enough. All that’s missing is the fruit.

Btw, are you hiding a bottle of vodka under that ruffle?

Ana Ortiz looks like that chick from the neighborhood that you don’t wanna eff wit. I don’t know who pissed this chick off but maybe she was mad at her stylist for putting her in this mess of a dress. It looks like somebody tucked some feathers in random places on a ruched prom dress. And the shoes look like those Bakers special collection shoes that you could get dyed to match your dress. Except they dyed them the wrong color. And chick is not having it. She got her earrings off, face Vaseline’d up - somebody better watch their back!

I don’t know who keeps passing this fur vest around Hollywood but it is not what’s hot for 2008. First Rihanna, then Cassie, and now Amerie. And the third time is not the charm and Amerie looks like a confused hot ass S&M mess. Do I begin with the non-matching pink top underneath the vest? Or the too-tight pants that show every leg ripple, and not in a flattering way. Or the leather whip hanging off the side of her boot? Or that hideous tapestry Gucci ‘Hysteria’ bag that doesn’t quite match anything? Oh Amerie, this looks says ‘thrown together’ and you’re too together for that. Now get it together.