I only know Jimmy Jean Louis from….actually I’m really not sure. I don’t remember what movie he’s been in but I will remember this extra medium jacket and collard shirt he’s wearing. Why does dude look like he just got off his shift as a waiter and randomly popped onto someone’s red carpet? Whatever job he’s been working, I’m sure it pays enough for him to buy a bigger sized shirt. Looks like his arms are about to break free.

Oh Paula. You are such a mess mentally and physically. The Elvira chandelier neckline played out with, well, Elvira. And the Chiquita Banana dress is meant only for a cartoon woman with a basket of fruit on her head. But since you technically are a basketcase I guess that’s close enough. All that’s missing is the fruit.

Btw, are you hiding a bottle of vodka under that ruffle?

Ana Ortiz looks like that chick from the neighborhood that you don’t wanna eff wit. I don’t know who pissed this chick off but maybe she was mad at her stylist for putting her in this mess of a dress. It looks like somebody tucked some feathers in random places on a ruched prom dress. And the shoes look like those Bakers special collection shoes that you could get dyed to match your dress. Except they dyed them the wrong color. And chick is not having it. She got her earrings off, face Vaseline’d up - somebody better watch their back!

I don’t know who keeps passing this fur vest around Hollywood but it is not what’s hot for 2008. First Rihanna, then Cassie, and now Amerie. And the third time is not the charm and Amerie looks like a confused hot ass S&M mess. Do I begin with the non-matching pink top underneath the vest? Or the too-tight pants that show every leg ripple, and not in a flattering way. Or the leather whip hanging off the side of her boot? Or that hideous tapestry Gucci ‘Hysteria’ bag that doesn’t quite match anything? Oh Amerie, this looks says ‘thrown together’ and you’re too together for that. Now get it together.

Wow, I thought Real’s (from I Love NY) luscious Cowardly lion locks were to die for but then I saw this pic of Lloyd and changed my mind. I love that Lloyd is (a) not afraid to rock the preferred picture day hairstyle of most third grade girls (ladies, you know you have a picture of you with the side twist/braid and one in the back - that was the ish back in the day!), and (b) not afraid to pose with a drag queen model who looks more masculine than you. That takes cojones!

And let’s not leave Jade out. I mean, she is the undiscovered supermodel. I see she got a new wig (must be a trend among Top Model rejects these days) and a sequinned minidress so now you really can’t tell her nothin! As if we could before. Boy Girl, you fierce!

Why is it that all the Top Model winners either fade into obscurity (except for Eva Pigford) or suddenly lose the style tips that TyTy gave them on the show? I specifically remember Tyra telling Jaslene to tone it down, lest she look too tranny and sure enough, she looks tranny. I hope she didn’t show up on the Fashionista Show trying to give advice on how to bring out your inner drag queen. Nevermind this dress is hurting my eyes with the checkerboard pattern and what’s with the fiesta ribbons on each shoulder? Is this what you buy with $100 grand?

For someone named Golden, she sure doesn’t look it. I would say more of an ashy white. I know Girlfriends went off the air but it’s still in reruns on BET so those residual checks should be in the mail. So why, Golden, do you always dress as if you’re one paycheck away from losing your house so you can only shop at Forever 21 and Bebe? These plain jane dresses are cool when you’re an aspiring actress but once you’ve been on a hit show, it’s time to step up your fashion game girl.

I guess a Top Model reject’s gotta do whatever it takes to stand out. I appreciate the fact that Keenyah took the judges advice and lost that spare tire she was getting on the show, and her weave is on point too. (Another tip from Tyra I see). But matching fake contact lenses with your shoes is a no-no. Why are black woman still wearing blue contacts in 2008? Matching them with your shoes is beyond wrong. The dress is nice but I’m sorry, I just can’t get past the haunting stare of her eyes…I think I’m getting hypnotized by the ugly.

I still don’t know who gave this chick the stage name Princess. I think ‘Round the Way Girl’ would have been more fitting. I mean how many princesses do you see with Kool-aid red dyed hair? But Princess has come a long way, I must admit. I think this outfit represents the ghetto high class - sort of a business suit for industry chicks. The mini vest and matching skirt ($16.99 at Joyce Leslie) is a good start Princess, but a shirt would have been nice. But then you couldn’t show off your new Victoria’s secret bra and toned tummy, right? I feel you girl. Can’t leave it all to the imagination…

Sigh. My people. Did we learn nothing from I’m Gonna Git You Sucka? ‘Overgold’ is a bad thing. And Lil Boosie, you know you can’t afford all those chains, let alone walk straight carrying all that crap around your neck and wrists. There’s nothing worse than a poser, except a fakin’ poser. The fact that you got on a Coogi t-shirt (I mean really, who’s checkin for Coogi since The Cosby Show?) and Chuck Taylors (also circa early-nineties) lets me know that all that ‘bling’ you’re rockin is either rented or unreal. Or both. And the Soulja Boy cereal-box sunglasses don’t even look good on Soulja Boy. At least we know who he is.