Damn Rachel Roy. I’m sorry to hear you’re getting divorced from Damon Dash but that’s usually the time you start dressing like a slut sexy young woman and letting all the single industry men know you’re back on the market. I don’t think you’re gonna find your next sugar daddy husband dressing like a corporate employee from back in the day. And I didn’t know they even still made skirts that long! You’re a fashion designer and your stuff is edgy and couture so what is up with this outfit??? You look like a sad gray sack, even more so with that drab grandma blazer. Even aside from the man repellant that is this outfit, you’re at an industry event - and the only thing dressed up are your feet! Next time try a cocktail dress - it might work better with those shoes.

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Apparently Paul Bunyan couture is what’s hot right now. Rashida Jones showed up on the red carpet at the J.C. Penney I Heart Ronson launch looking like she got in a fight with a lumberjack who wanted his shirt back. I’m not sure if this is part of the collection or not, but flannel dresses are so dated. Wait, were they ever in style? Honestly, the dress isn’t all bad but the shoulder cutouts and little arm ties just look silly and young. And it wouldn’t have hurt to throw a hot iron against it for more than five minutes. When you’re the daughter of a music legend, you gotta come better than this.

J. McCarthy/Wireimage

Remember when Lil Kim first joined Junior Mafia and she dressed somewhat classy, like wearing business suits and stuff? Yeah, well this aint her. Naturi Naughton, who played Lil Kim in the recent Notorious movie showed up at the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency premiere wearing some Lil Kim wardrobe castoffs from like 15 years ago. This Fred Flintstone leopard/cougar/cheetah print furry vested top is not the jumpoff. Neither is the $10 skirt and $20 shoes. And while I am a fan of natural hair, if you’re gonna try to look like back in the day Kim, at least slap on a wig. Not a fan? Then go get a good wash and set. I’m sure you got a decent check from Notorious - go hit up one of the Dominican salons, it’ll only set you back about $20. I don’t know what the hell is an outfit like this doing on someone’s red carpet. And, for that matter, what Naturi is doing there either.

I only know Jimmy Jean Louis from….actually I’m really not sure. I don’t remember what movie he’s been in but I will remember this extra medium jacket and collard shirt he’s wearing. Why does dude look like he just got off his shift as a waiter and randomly popped onto someone’s red carpet? Whatever job he’s been working, I’m sure it pays enough for him to buy a bigger sized shirt. Looks like his arms are about to break free.

Little Cassandra usually looks so put together that we almost forget that she can’t actually sing. But this outfit brings it all back. What is it with chicks these days rockin tops as dresses? I think I see some signs of denim (shorts or skirt maybe) but if it’s so short that you can’t tell, then it just doesn’t count. And with the gold charm chain and studded riding boots, I’m confused as to what look she’s going for. Try again Cassie.

Boom Boom Kat is back on Making the Band after her staged fight with Diddy so now she’s back on everybody’s red carpet thinking she’s all fierce and stuff. When I saw this pic I just let out a long sigh. First because Laurie Ann Gibson thinks people are still checkin for her (if they ever were). And second, because she looks a hot ass mess. I don’t care how toned your legs are, that’s no excuse for wearing a turtlenecked basketball jersey as a dress, with hideous granny booties at that. And why is every black chick jumping on the Rihanna haircut bandwagon? What’s good for the goose is not good for the gander (whatever that means).

Now I’ve got the answer to my last question (see previous post). D. Woods was the hottest mess of all which may be why she wasn’t posing with the rest of her group. They probably told her acid reflux yellow Nike’d ass to get out of the photographer’s way, lest she throw off the already unbalanced color scheme. I know this chick got her own style and all but she’s killing me with the party dresses with ugly kicks trend. I know Diddy don’t pay that much but at least borrow some looks from the Bad Boy closet, I’m sure he won’t mind.

I have never in my life seen a group of chicks in the same band that look like they just met for the first time. Even Destiny’s Child with all their group changes managed to look unified. God bless Miss Tina and her bedazzled, sequined performance outfits. But I digress. The Danity Kane chicks don’t necessarily look bad, just random. Couldn’t they have better coordinated color schemes and palettes? Like let’s wear shades of red or something? And where’s D. Woods? Smart enough not to appear in this Crayola-colored picture I guess.

Usually when you start seeing these reality chicks all over magazines and stuff, it means they won whatever show they were on but I don’t think that’s the case here. I think Hoopz didn’t win the $250 grand on I Love Money so she had to resort to the aspiring-video-girl/washed up reality chick’s starter job, posing for King Magazine. I’m not trying to hate on anybody’s hustle but is the tranny stripper makeup and Wilma Flintstone necklace the best she could do? You’re a washed up celeb Hoopz! I know you aint New york or nothin but you have been on two shows already - you couldn’t get VH1 to spring for your own make up artist and hairstylist? I do give King Mag credit for the ‘bustin out of Saran wrap’ theme - that’s hot yo.

Oh Paula. You are such a mess mentally and physically. The Elvira chandelier neckline played out with, well, Elvira. And the Chiquita Banana dress is meant only for a cartoon woman with a basket of fruit on her head. But since you technically are a basketcase I guess that’s close enough. All that’s missing is the fruit.

Btw, are you hiding a bottle of vodka under that ruffle?